The Cocosho Awards

Yes, yes, yes Ladies and gentlemen you saw 'em, I saw 'em The 2005 BET AWARDS. Here is my run down of the sitchiation as it were...

Let's kick it off with the ground rules that Jada and Will laid down at the beginning of the show...

#1 A three homeboy limit on the acceptance speeches

#2 No bright suits or gold goblets (Bishop Don Magic Juan -you're short)

#3 Do not thank God if you cannot perform your work in Church


we'll talk about who did and did NOT adhere to these rules later...


My top three picks for fashion forward female were:

Eva Pigford - Eva the Diva set it off in her couture baby doll dress. Her figure was perfect for the petite frock and her shoes were killin' em.
Gabrielle Union - Once again her nice figure was complimented buy a short dress. Her hair was simple and beautiful and her shoe game was real.
Jada Pinkett-Smith - Usually at these damn shows go way too overboard trying to get the host/hostess to change their clothes every other time we see them and it can be a bit much. Jada looked tasteful and hip with her wardrobe and hairstyle changes. Her make-up was flawless as well! MD Stand up one time for Miss Jada!

*honorable mention goes to: no one, Wardrobe people -where were you?


My Top three picks for fashion forward Male were:

T.I. - Yes little Boney McSkninny got all dressed up in a suit and hung it well!
Common - Praise be to Common's new stylist. She's got an agenda and I'm lovin it.
David Banner - Once again the South is representin. There is nothing like a Southern Gentleman.

*honorable mention goes to: that sexy-ass dude from NYPD Blue. You are HOT, buddy!

now onto the 2005 Cocosho Awards...

The what the hell are you wearing? award goes to:
Ciara - three words, hot ass mess. If I were Beyonce I would just look at her and laugh. Hey Ciara- get an original look.

The I need attention award goes to:
Vivica A. Fox - Did y'all see the way she bogarded right passed little Jada to get the Spotlight next to Anthony Anderson on stage? Okay, like Viv we are soooooo over you now. Dating 50 Cent was career suicide and you further sealed the deal by dancing atop the stage on the MTV Awards for l'il jon. If you are an aspiring actress the world should not see your ass cheeks as people sing "to the windows, to the walls..." C'mon boo, white Hollywood doesn't even know you yet...

The We over-did it award goes to:
Destiny's Child - The clothes, the hair, the asses in the air. They just did too damn much. And don"t look surprised when Bob Johnson offers to stick around if you give up the lap action Beyonce. You peddle your hot ass around for millions of dollars. Hey it worked. Your parents are rich off of YOUR JELLY, That ass is sending some lucky record exec's kid to college. So don't look so surprised when people (even a damn CEO) say what's on their mind.


The I'm so blown you KEEP winning awards ward goes to:
Alicia Keys - WTF? Sit your ass down for a second. She has female R& B category ON LOCK. Ok, Alicia you are good but there were some very worthy nominees in her category, most notably Mariah Carey. I do like AKeys, but she's only winning because she cornered the market on piano playing and soulful singing.

The BEST COMEBACK award goes to:
Toni Braxton - if you thought I was going to say Lauryn Hill u must not have seen what I saw last night. Oh Toni you came back with such grace and class. If this were a few years ago she would give Ms. Viv A Fox a run for her money in the "I need attention" category. Very classy, Toni.

The Schoolin 'Em award goes to:
Gladys Knight - Not only was her career praised in a stunning tribute, she got right up there and tooted her own horn with a flawless vocal performance, showing everyone why she deserved that award. She's still got it. Ladies, take note about what you give an audience when you want longevity. (cough cough -Whitney, Ashanti, Ciara and all you other fools busy on your way out - Smoking, snorting and drinking will ruin your voice. Also what will you sing when you can't take your clothes off on stage anymore?)

The Hot Ass Mess award goes to:
Remy Ma - did y'all see her? Sheesh! When your breasts want to go their own way it's best to just wrap them suckers UP!

Now I'd like to take time out and just generally rip people apart for the stupid shit they did last night....

#1 - Anyone who was up there lip-syncing partially or fully deserves to be slapped. You don't deserve to be awarded a damn thing. If you can't dance and sing (Omarion, CIARA) or even stand still and sing (LAURYN) then don't even get on stage. You are on TV. Everyone can see you are not Singing. I only respect performers who give their all at all times. Study up on Janet Jackson and see why she has 20+ years in the game.

#2 - The Game - enough said you are wack. Your son was you date cause no one is your friend. You sit alone at your table in the hip- hop cafeteria of life. I only paid attention cause you brought my girl Mary on stage.

#3 - Alicia Keys didn't you know what your stomach looked like before you put that see through blicky on? Girl, you are phat in all the right places but you are also fat in one of the most crucial. Get on Kanye's work out plan or hide the gut.

#4 - That nigga who was in the back for Mike Jones' performance. Re-read rule number #2. Enough said.

#5- Lauryn Hill you just played yourself. Your 'fit was CRAZY. Who sold you that bow-tie?
Was it weighing down your throat and is that the reason why you sounded like some shit? It's been like 4 years, whatever that man did to you, get over it! Pick yourself up. I saw you on Def Poetry and was like DAAAAAAAYUM! It is curtains for you. Note to all: See what happens when you stop practicing your craft?

#6 - Wu-Tang - that was the most half-assed R.I.P. tribute to anyone I have ever seen. Get some lines together and make your shit believable.

#7 EVERYONE who didn't show up to get their award [except: Denzel (cause can't nobody say anything bad about my boo)] showed the utmost disrespect for the BET Awards. I'd snatch my awards back if I were Bob Johnson. Shaq and Usher didn't have anything better to do and they know it.

Overall the 2005 BET Awards were the best yet. Experience pays off! Hats off, guys. Too bad you sold out to the man (Viacom) but that's a whole other blog.