So this is how I'ma go out...

Who ever thought that high prices at the pump would translate into my untimely death...

Despite dipping poll approvals and growing skepticism, calls for immediate exit strategies and the beginnings of a Vietnam-esque backlash against the war, old "W" is holding his ground. Standing strong and urging Americans to "stay the course" because, "fighting in Iraq secures American freedom!"

Hmmmmmmm?

America is increasingly anything but free and let me tell you as a Washington, D.C. resident things are getting shakier by the day from where I sit. I am no longer in the mood to entertain this bravado - this hubris forced upon others by our government. Al Quaeda (and very soon in the near future IRAN) isn't gonna sit back and let us promote out global agenda. Very simply: THEY ARE GOING TO BLOW US ....SKY, F&^%$#! HIGH.

"neigh!" you say?

Well I contend that there's more terror going on here that threatens Americans and it lives in our current Administration's Policies.

There's a simple formula to my demise folks, allow me to break it down.

Step 1: GAS PRICES ARE FUCKING OUT OF CONTROL!

-No one but Leo DiCaprio and like two other people in the United States own an hybrid vehicle so we all USE GAS. That shit is $2.75 per gallon where I live- for regular, unleaded petrol. WTF? Soon gas will be $3.50 per gallon. And by soon I mean next March! Hello? Does this bother anyone? Wait excuse me- does this bother anyone to write to their state representatives? I am going to write a letter that goes like this...

Dear Gov't,

Congratulations on your recent triumphs in the space exploration program. I have but one question. Is there any reason why scientist are continuing to research the - ever financially pragmatic and entertaining practice of catapaulting people into a wieghtless void, yet no scientist is working on turning urine into an economy-stabilizing fuel for cars? Get back to me and let me know when this program begins. Thanks!"

Luckily for me I am near a metro line and use that Mon-Fri to get around. I am only digging deep into my pocket for weekend travel. HOLD THE PHONE! This leads to yet another cog in the design on my death!

Step 2: I COMMUTE TO WORK VIA METRO

-It was reported just last week (for shits and giggles I guess - since there's no plan to do anything about it) that Al Quaeda has a map of the metro posted on it's website with extreme, direct warnings of impending attacks. Hmmmm? Since they already blew a damn hole through The Pentagon and knocked down the the Towers, I am guessing that walking down an escalator and paying $2.35 for a morning rush-hour metro pass isn't deterrent enough for them not to turn any metro rail tunnel into a conduit system of fireballs.

About a month ago friendly metro staff began distributing handbills that detailed instructions for us to familiarize ourselves with the metro map and possible escape routes. Their motto? "have a plan". Good one! Also, each morning a cheery announcement from my train conductor can be heard to "be on the look out" for any suspicious persons or activity. huh? I've been riding metro since I was 10 and have seen more suspicious people and activity than I care to remember, Have I ever reported it? HELL NO. Please. I've seen a homeless man pull his d*ck out and walk up and down a train car. I've entertained unwanted cell phone conversations and morning-after tales of what position some dude has had some woman in that damn near blew her ears off! If there's anything I want to do when I get on the metro it's mind my own damn business.

What pray, tell should I look for? A man with his head wrapped up in Taliban turban? No, wait! he'll undoubtedly be blending in so he'll probably have on a Washington Nationals hat, All dressed in "terror couture" trying his best to disguise himself from any soupcon that he is an ACTUAL suicide bomber? I can just see it..."Hey, look at that fundamentalist. He is fooling me with his black glasses attached to a big rubber nose and funny-oversized mustache! Ha ha ah ah this is funny! I found one! Hey, Metro - I said I found one!"

Somehow I doubt it will go down that way.

AND...If there were a terrorist on my train or in my station and I happen to look up and see his/her ass I am sure it's way too late. There's probably more than one of him/or her. And it just so happens that I exit one of D.C. Metro's three major transfer stations, where at least three metro lines converge at one station. Yep! I can guarantee I'm virtually terrorist toast as the days draw on.


Step 3: I have a Nextel phone
-I don't care if they did just merge with Sprint. Them damned phones don't work underground so, Mr. Metro rail announcer even if I did see an unattended bag, suspicious person, or activity: I am shit out of luck to report it because I will not have service of any kind on my digital phone. FUCK!

So there u have it folks, the high-climbing prices of gas, which force me onto a metro-system, that, now, wants me to become a skilled terror look-out, encouraging me to memorize emergency "in-tunnel and above ground" (watch out for that third-rail)! exit routes, while having a handy signal carrying mobile phone by which to report anything that can be remotely deemed suspicious is going to lead to my demise.

This is the inner-monologue as I see it, in my head..

"Oh Shit. Is that a terrorist?"

"Can't be. He has an Ipod"

"Well just to be safe, maybe I should get off at the nex-KABOOOOOOOOOOOM!"