Top 10 things said by men to disarm and distract women during an argument

It has been my experience that men believe women take way too much time to get their points across especially if the point women are making is that they are frustrated, angry or salty about what the aforementioned man did/said or forgot to do/say...

Introducing the top ten responses you are most likely to get during an argument with your man.

10. You know my phone doesn't work at my dad's house
Okay this kind of response is usually what pops a normal question off into something that will be bigger. Guys, I know you are thinking, "this could be a legitimate statement." And yes, it could. But ladies - you know your man and if your intuition tells you to probe farther, do it because there is a big possibility that this is his default excuse; designed not only to satisfy any curious or introducing question about his whereabouts but to also dead any further discussion in the future about why his phone didn't ring when he is "at [his] dad's house". Coming up with a perfectly legit excuse in attempts to distract you from what you really want to know... tsk tsk.

9. Didn't you get my message?
See? This is clear evidence that he thinks he can get away with just saying some crap to disarm you and throw you off of your original point. No I am not gonna argue that this is a fib because he probably DID leave you a message. But I bet he left that joint when he knew you were out of town driving through a tunnel on a conference call unable to click over. Feel me? What to do next? Press on with your point cause he clearly just did the minimum to get you off his back with that message.

8. What makes you think that?
Ladies you already know this is another avoidance tactic. Some simpletons might see this as his attempt to further get to know your feelings and needs. Nope, this question is used to get you to substantiate your original claim thus buying him time to weasel his way out or even pull the ultimate disarmament attempt and pull the old flip and switch. While you are busy rattling down a laundry list of times when he said ________, or when he did_________ this bamma is cooking up a whole lot of nothing to excuse his behavior.

7. Give me a kiss, boo
WARNING: This is a good one. When he says this your man might sense that you are really pissed and just about to your limit he will come close, put his arms around your waist try to pull you close so you can smell that sweet cologne in the well of his collar bone in hopes that you will remember that he is your man, you boo, your snuggle pie and this is how good he smells. AND if you just stop arguing about whatever it is that is on your mind you could be smellin that scent for the next 30 -40 minutes in the bedroom. I know it's tempting but don't fall for the okey doke!

6. Did you lose weight?
If he says this he is desperate. This is another distract and Disarm attempt. He wants to flatter you and remind you of the compliments he gives you when y'all aren't in an argument. Instead of just saying damn boo (insert truthful answer or satisfactory bottom line) this fool is really going for it. Yeah, you are fine and might have lost some weight recently but how come he is noticing this now when he is backed into a corner? How come he doesn't swell up his chest and say "Yeah man, but you know my girl has a bangin body, too" When there is a video with Vida Guerra or Melissa Ford on, huh huh? My point exactly.

5. Okay
Now he is on his toes. He is pretty much concerned that you are going to keep talking and he will miss the tip off, kick-off or the club before 11 p.m. He wants you to stop, so he begins to agree with you. Don't let the smooth taste fool you. This is not an admission of guilt nor is it an apology. If that's what you're after, then don't be thrown off course. The okay will come faster and at a higher pitch and his tolerance level shrinks. Also for fun try saying okay when he tells you something then get a lawn chair, unfold it and watch the fireworks!!

4. You're right, I'm sorry
You have seriously pissed him off with your nagging at this point and his plan now is to just shut your ass up as fast as possible. He doesn't want to hear anymore. He is so pissed that he can't even say this sentence convincingly. He might as well have said, "nigga please page THESE!".


3. My Head hurts
You done done it now girl. He is NOT going to hit you but he just wants to shake you really hard and instead of paying attention to the original issue he is picturing the "shake" in his mind. He is close to fed up. I mean he is thinking, "I told her my phone doesn't get reception, I did leave a message on her phone. I just agreed with her like three damn times. I even pulled her close to give her some and that didn't work."

2. Are you finished?
He is damn near ready to walk away from your ass. This is a critical point. You can decide to cut your losses here and let it go. Hey, sometimes you have to know that you have spoken your peace and that's all you can do. Decide how big of battle you want this to be. It's up to you girl but he is really saying this to pull your emotional strings. He is testing your patience to see how long you are going to ride this out. Don't be distracted and get mad. Don't raise your voice. Don't tell him that it is your prerogative to say what and how you feel at any time. Just continue calmly to explain your position. The more calm you are and the more matter-of-fact you sound you will throw him off. He will be like, "I thought she was mad. How come she isn't shrieking yet? Why isn't her neck vein doing that thing?" your critical response to d & d tactic #2 is crucial. You could mess his head up. So much so that he will realize that you may, in fact, have a point.

1. I love you
If there has been no door slamming or attempts to leave, your man will say these three words. I know you are like yeah girl, "Should I trust him? Is he playing? This is the mother of all distracting statements." Before you really go off and ruin your well crafted position in this battle of Venus and Mars, I say this: he is not playing. He is serious girl. He does love you. He hates to argue. He is actually regretting some stuff. You will get your apology now. Accept it or I will have to write a whole other blog about how women run good men away with their BULLYING!

Disclaimer: Men, my black brothers, let me say I love you. I love the way you walk, the way you talk. The way that well in your collar bone smells just like you. I love that fresh cut, I love that fitted. The way you whip the whip. How you hold my hips! I may love to argue but I love to make up even more!

You Know you went to a black college if...

Aw HU! I just want to put up this post as tomorrow marks my three year graduation anniversary. Congratulations to the class of 2005! It is HARD to believe that I have been away from those "school DAZE" that long. I love Howard for teaching me some GOOD lessons. I love the people I met and the person I've become because of it. Anyways I will wax poetically BISON on another post.(I am NOT the orignal author it just is so nostalgic) Enjoy!




1. The twirler is GAY!!!
2. The cheerleaders were larger than a size 12.
3. The lunchroom worker wore his or her plastic cap after work!
4. You had homemade frats (Alcorn's MF Wrecking Crew, Jackson
State's
Memphis Clique, TSU's and Prairie Views *Wisconsin Sleepers*, Swing Phi
Swing and Groove Phi Groove, Virginia Union's N!gg@ Phi N!gg@) (Annex fourth floor, WEST SIIIIIIDE!!!!)
5. Kappa Kappa Psi got their own tree,(even Alpha Phi Omega may
have
one).
6. You knew exactly how many miles your car could go on E".
7. The only time Security would raid the dorms was when somebody
called because their boyfriend or girlfriend was cheating on them.
8. The one "fine" security guard had three girls on campus
pregnant.
9. You climbed through the girl's dorm window late at night and
left early in the morning.
10. You climbed through the boy's dorm window late at night and left
early in the morning.
11. You only sat with your crew, girls, athletes, band members,
fraternities or sororities during lunch and had your chosen table.
12. A fight would break out if someone else sat there.
13. Popcorn, french fries, Hot Pockets, ramen noodles were special cuisine
in your room. (what y'all know about microwave Rice a Roni?)
14. You could only afford to wash 2 loads of clothes a week.
15. You scheduled your classes around the Soaps. (All My Children
andYoung & The Restless in particular). I did this for my Y&R!
16. You had the answers to the test from last year....which would be
the same test this year... HU Psychology WHAT WHAT!
17. You went to a Black College if half-way through the semester you
are attending class while still walking around with an incomplete
registration packet.
18. The majority of the black teachers are Africans.
19. People showed up at the football game just to see the half time show then left.
20. If the alumni dressed to impress at the football game (leather
suits, hats, heels etc.) Down with those Alumni Straw Hats!!
21. If the Sigmas are cooking out somewhere.
22. If the library was a known gathering place.
23. If you stole utensils, cups or bowls from the cafeteria.
24. If you stole milk and other beverages from the cafeteria.
Sneaking a
pitcher in your backpack and filling it up.
25. If they had a monitor watching you walk "OUT" of the cafeteria
searching
for stolen goods.
26. If you knew the physical plant people or janitors by first name (My HU crew - remember that bamma Soup from the Annex Caf?)
27. The cafeteria workers were missing more than one tooth. (SOUP, is this you?) two fingers in the air for SOUP!
28. The food in the cafeteria gave you diarrhea.
29. If the food/menu changed and was suddenly edible and delicious
during
parents weekend or when the board members met.(steak night and w/real
silver, luau nite etc.)
30. The sororities started fighting each other.
31. The alumni band was the sh*t!
32. The best b-ball players never played for the school.
33. The band fought after half-time.
34. Everybody skipped class the first hot day of spring. (affectionately known at HU as Ground Hoes Day)
35. The Ques' were thrown off the yard (ALWAYS and if they could be found turning the charity auctions into booty poppin contests! .
36. The Kappas were off the yard for hazing and fighting too.
37. The bookstore did not get the books you needed until midterm. (HU)
38. You couldn't find a job after graduation. (Can I Get an AMEN?)
39. Campus was the hangout spot for locals.
40. You refer to people who live around the campus as "locals"
41. Your college is in the middle of the "hood" or "ghetto"( North
>Carolina
Central, Howard) They are all either dead up in the hood or in no man's land!
42. 4 out of 10 girls became strippers. (Spelman, Virgnia Union) EVERY BLACK SCHOOL HAD SOME VICTIMS
43. It normally took 5 or more years to graduate.
44. You spent more time in the Student Union than in the Library
45. There were parties in the hall of the male dormitory.
46. There was only one building with an air conditioner.
47. There were dormitory rivalries that equaled sororities and fraternities.
48. Your mama went there.
49. Spades tournament was played in your dorm lobby. (Tony Murray that's for you!)
50. The B.M.O.C. was not the star athlete, but the one who had the
weed.
51. You skipped class to get your refund check. (LORD, YES!)
52. Your refund check was late.
53. You used your work study money to buy a car.
54. Every floor in the dorm had a barber or a beautician.
55. They had a shoot out on campus.
56. The corner store sold single cigarettes, 40s, blunts and chicken
wings.
57. Everyone hung out around a tree
58. You got beer or weed from campus security.
59. The Ques were always fighting another frat.
60. Campus security carried a flashlight instead of a gun
61. People stole books to sell to the bookstore at the end of the
year for a party or gas money home.
62. You came from the club and the hot water wasn't working.
63. Even though you had elevators in the dorm, they didn't work half
of time? Elevators? What Elevators? (if you stayed in Barbie at A&T, Storer
Hall Virginia Union)
64. Everybody had to go to the nearest Wal-mart to get a window fan
during summer school, because the air had gone out. Air? What Air?
65. If you had an extra person staying in the room with you the
entire semester that was never in school in the first place. (A. Williams that's you boy!)

Natural Highs

The following things make me feel absolutely fantastic and glad to be alive!


turning the radio on right as "my song" comes on

turning on the radio to hear "Make it Last Forever"

Krispy Kreme donuts

reminiscing on the two times I met Pharrell Williams (i'ma get cha boy!)

snow days

being on South Beach

pedicures

realizing there's just one more piece of _________ left in the refrigerator

slow dancing

the perfect fitting jean

making love in the morning

finding money in the pocket of my jeans or my coat from last winter

reunions with my girls (Undercover Crew - long live '98)

dancing to live music

day long shopping

payday

early dismissal for the holiday weekend

being on the receiving end of a baby's smile

finding an extra biscuit in your Popeye's chicken dinner

all green lights on your way home in rush hour

To the asshole who sat next to me (well, on me) at the movies this weekend!

Let me preface this by saying that the theatre was crazy empty and you coulda sat somewhere ELSE! This bamma is probably blogging about me right now too but ask me if I care.
p.s. Sorry Dr. Suess and all serious poets...

Ode to a fool - you sho' was a Big'un

Hey big country! How do you do?

Did you think you heard me say I had a seat for you?

No I did not, I did not infact

know that I would be subject for attack.

I came with Jennifer just to see "Crash" who knew you'd end up crushing me with your ass!

When we arrived in the theatre so spacious, so wide who knew I would choose the wrong damn

side.

I have just another question for you? Who said 6'5" 300 lbs. sits in the middle boo?

Get thyneself to the edge you Knave! Grab an aisle seat!

Your friends should have known that when y'all first agreed to meet.

Nevertheless those freaking jerks stupidly chose

three seats in the middle right in my damn row.

Lights dimmed and previews proffered There arose a great big shadow
Big Snacks, big Drinks and your big ass in tow!

Reminds me of something ol bushwick bill wrote

now I gotta insert a quote

right next to me was his seat he figured

"but this wasn't no ordinary Ni%%a

he stood about six or seven feet, now that's the ni%%a I be seein' in my sleep"

As he tried to get situated his friend gave him a hand

offerend to hold the snacks of big man

But he shook his head and plopped on down

there went my elbow rest I just got roughed like a clown

he took up his seat and some of mine

who said I wanted yours touching MY behind?

Then the great mammoth began to snack

I was rained on by popcorn and discarded napkins by the stack

as he pulled and slipped and slurped

his big gup soda then came the burp

So loud, so crude and oh so smelly

dude you smell like you got a boot in your belly

So as I grew annoyed I had to keep my comments to myself

cause next to you I was the size of an elf

I thought I could squeeze over as he finished up his soda

I moved in for a chance

he burped again and no "excuse me" either

then he caught my glance

so just to rub it in his fool tried to recline

damn baby Huey use your seat not MINE!

I was tossed, I was turned and I thought just maybe

was this the black fat bastard? Could he EAT a baby?

As the movie closed two hours had passed

I sat in fear of the aftermath.

would the great giant leap up before the movie was over?

Would I be left crushed a victim of the human Range Rover?

As the closing titles scrolled I shot up to my feet.

Grabbed my purse and told Jennifer "Quick, retreat!"

Move thyself nimbly before the great beast chose to rise

"To the parking lot" away from his bulky, hulking size.

As we moved toward the door I could swear.

The Green Mile said, hey they gotta Golden Corral out here.

So Magic Johnson theatre I might not be back for a while

unless you make it mandatory for big NI%%as to sit BY THE AISLE!

Chivalry is Dead, it got shot in the head...

I am definitely not sure when it happened or specifically why but I know this: Chivalry is dead on the damn Metro! Since when did being nice to a women go out of style?

Men, what happened? Who in the hell left the gate open? Give up your seat to a woman (especially if she is older) on the metro. Hey try it once, if you are suddenly stricken with paralysis or come up with an inexplicable skin disease from being nice -then you'll never have to do it again, I promise and send me the health bill!

I know this is the age of the independent woman:

• Hollywood starlets are having babies on their own and carrying on in public with whomever they'd like.
• Women are slower to get married and faster to buy a house by themselves
• Hell, we might even buy you a drink at the club ... but don't let the smooth taste fool ya!

In addition to the corny pick up line, a drink at the bar or the tab at the restaurant Women still have a need to be flattered and reminded of our femininity. Of course we want you to open the door for us or offer to carry a bag even if it doesn't look heavy. We still get warm inside when we get complimented on our hair or clothes or how good we smell. We want to be taken out for ice cream on a sunny afternoon in Georgetown. We'd love for you to offer to take the trash out every now after you visit. And please, please take my hand when I am getting out of your CORVETTE! (it sits low to ground, baby)

This will not be a male bashing entry, because I am smart enough to know that I can't just lump everyone up together and hey maybe you have a commute longer than the average joe but I have just seen this become such a trend and I gotta ask "what's up?"

What happened to the idea of giving up your seat to allow a woman the comfort of sitting down.? It's the most polite thing you can do and it's a small gesture of respect that goes a long way. I mean do I have to be 9 million months pregnant, with two snot-nosed kids at my side and two carts full of groceries before I can get a concession?

I am a woman - fairer of the two sexes and the only person who between this two of us who can keep the human race going! Give me a damn seat on the metro in the morning!!!

So this morning, like every other Mon - Fri I made the five minute walk to the Silver Spring Metro from my apartment building and boarded the train. Just my luck this train was already full. My car only had one empty seat that was snatched up before I even stepped in. Immediately annoyed that I wouldn't be able to comfortably read my "Express" I looked for the most convenient spot to post up and grab a bar for the next 25 minutes.

Great, I found a tolerable spot but one thing stuck out so obviously. All the passengers who were sitting were MEN and not ONE offered any woman their seat. I was disgusted. There were quite a lot of older women standing up while men: black, white, east indian - middle aged and under aged were content to continue reading their morning paper or fiddle through their PDAs or just stare blankly ahead. Okay so there were three women who had seats in my car's immediate area but everyone else who was seated was a man. Sure, there were men among those of us poor saps who were forced to stand but there were quite a lot of women who were holding a hand rail or sidled up next to a wall panel scanning furiously for a space that might have been overlooked.

Not one man gave up their seat. Not one man offered to give any one woman their chair!!! I can't believe that a man can look at 15 women standing and not think to offer your seat. It's the metro dude. How long is your ride anyway? For most of us it's about 35 minutes on average.

Okay so maybe you are thinking, "Why is she trippin? I mean it's just the metro." yeah true, but that is my main point - if it's just the metro then why can't you just offer to brighten a woman's day by offering her your seat? We're just one day removed from Mother's Day y'all, come on! I mean I can understand someone not immediately offering me a seat. I am 25 and very healthy but try extending this courtesy to a woman who visibly is older than you. Just try offering your seat and see how good it can make that other person feel. You may not know how tired that other person is but you will surely know how grateful they are when you extend this one kind gesture. I'm saying just try it once and see.

We have arrived at a sad day when we are content to be selfish and self-serving. Sure, I know work is draining but don't take your revenge on the capitalist machine out on me and these other ladies, hey the man is holding us down too!

I mean does work piss us off so much and force us to spend so much time faking like we like our boss, our co-workers or even the projects that we are working on that we have no time to use our manners in the two hour window immediately preceding and following the work day to show another person kindness? Are we so pre-occupied with the expectation of bullsh*&! before we step over the workforce threshold, that any other extra effort to present ourselves as professional and courteous takes a back seat to plain manners?

As we give our bosses a silent, "F^% you, I am going to Starbucks before I come in this morning." it is easy to forget our original home training: and this extends to our daily metro commutes.

Hey all I am saying is that women deserve a little reminder that we are still precious, still delicate appreciated and respected.

Perhaps this sub-set of Metro riding men are no longer nice to women without an ulterior motive. Maybe they need us to do something nice back or some assurance that someone else will intrinsically know that, "Earlier in the day, Bob X did something nice for Mrs. American Stranger on the metro and I should give him a break by letting him________" (insert something Bob X would be happy to catch a break for) So that's why they can't give up that seat. Well you know what? No one is ever going to know that you did that one nice thing for Mrs. American Stranger except the two of you. That should be your worthy reward sir. So "sucks" to your need to be congratulated after doing something that should come naturally.

Now let me inject some disclaimers in here...I have offered my seat to a woman who was older than me. I have also been offered a seat to which I gladly accpeted on a day when whatever I had done earlier had worn my feet bare. It goes both ways if I can do it so can you.

So please help ressucitate our friend Chivalry. You don't know it now but it will pay off in the long run! If you've done something chivalrous let me know...then you, me and the flattered dame who received your kindness will know what a superstar you are!

Day One

Hey world! So this is my first post and to substantiate anything I say from this point on alIow myself to introduce myself. (er?)

Cocosho is...

5'6"
LOUD
a long time sufferer of "only child syndrome"
always down for a good party!
crazy
sensitive
a lover of SHOES!
a native of MD (Mo' County!)
always talking
there for my peeps in a pinch
always dreaming
25 and counting...
a Howard University Grad (2002 where u at?)
not afraid of an arguement
an independent woman
tired of president Bush
spoiled (but some people r refusing to get with the program)
a sucker for a Prince song
down for a good road trip
not too proud for a 2 a.m. carry-out run (CHINA WONDER)
a wiz in the kitchen
in love with Pharrell Williams
very clever
thin in the waste, cute in the face ;)
just one plane ride away from south beach or the vegas strip
ready to get her blog on...enjoy!